proof that "consulting" is not that different from blogging

i was required to write this for work today:

Bon Jovi fans, “avid tiedyers”, and at least one “iPhoneophile” form the team now known as “Big Bro 101.” After numerous setbacks, this unlikely team has finally made on site in Birmingham, Alabama. With an impeccable driving record, numerous quotable phrases and just one PDA, Phil Lea, Keri Hochgertle and Chris Bierbower have defeated all odds and made it to the “Pittsburg of the South.”
Thus far, Birmingham has been a learning experience for all. As he is older and wiser, Phil has enlightened us about bow-fishing, 80’s music, and defensive driving. Chris reflected, “I keep hearing all this music that I listened to when I was younger, but didn’t like till I was staffed with you.” Chris has talked all of us into the entire line of Apple products, though Keri isn’t quite convinced that she is popular enough for an iPhone yet. Chris has also been in charge of navigating the bustling metropolis that is Birmingham, Alabama. Though she is still new to the whole MPR thing, Keri has enlightened the team on a number of topics including tiedye techniques, flea markets of Alabama, who is most likely to be attacked by a bear, and the best ways to tell if an animal has a home.
Next week, Brian Portewig will be joining the team in Alabama. The team will be visiting Starz, a classy karaoke joint right off Highway 31. All anxiously await an encore performance of a Snoop Dogg song. Additionally, Phil has promised that Journey will be on the list, and it’s possible that Chris will do a rendition of “Barbie Girl.” A standing bet will determine whether he sings the male or female lead.

le sigh

the real world:midtown

first off, i am quite thankful that MTV has not in fact decided to tape that show that i love/hate so dearly in the town i now call home

second off, yes. i moved. i am no longer an inhabitant of athens and i no longer breed squid. i have moved to the city of atlanta right at the corner of and i quote: "gay and gay". additionally, i got a job as a "consultant". i know, how ambiguous, right? it's cool. you can further specify it with my title within the "consulting" firm: associate. WHAT IS THAT??? i'm still figuring all of that out, dont worry, i'll update you as i learn. for now, whats important is that my readership has likely tripled as at least 4 of my fellow "consultants" now read this blog.

on to more important things. i miss mason and kitti. there is a nice kitti that lives behind me that is kind of stray/kind of belongs to my neighborlady. not sure the relationship there, but hes called gimpkitti. anyway, we play sometimes, but he's entirely too fat to come inside my house, so it's kind of an open relationship. not because he is fat. it's an open relationship cause he's not really mine. we just play sometimes.

i was thinking about getting another kitti of my own. i think that might solve my problems, but apparently "consultants" travel, and its hard to have a pet since i have no roommates. which furthers my problem. the reason i need a pet is that when im alone in my house i tend to talk to myself. when one has a pet, it is slightly justified because there is another being in the esablishment. my fake tulip does not count.

so then i thought about getting a fish. this would be great, but the only fish i have ever owned acually belonged to my mother and she named him after the teacher that my brothers and i had for directed study. useless course, but fun. mr. barry [the fish, not the man] was also useless, but he was pretty and my brothers and i thought that it was weird to have our teacher on my mom's desk in her office, so we called him 'fish'. who were we to judge? we once had a gerbil named david.

regardless, i think i need a fish so people dont think im crazy. plus, it might remind me of my squiddies. i miss them too. not the shrimp though.

oops

also, in case anyone DOES read this, it wasnt yuengling that died in April. that was dr. quinn medicine woman.

sorry for any confusion that this may have caused

aha! back...

Soooo fer the summer i am breeding the squiddies still, and also washing the dishes in the lab and also working retail. busy you ask? kinda. but when i'm bored, i'm REAL bored.

The squid are doing alright I guess. Yuengling recently passed on, thus leaving me with none of the original crew. In her memory, I would like to name the rest of the squid names of beer. i already have a PBR, Red Stripe and Hoegarten. Please submit additional options via comment. Please note, I will have approximately zero Bud products and/or light beers [this includes imports]

The dish stuff is kind of funzies i suppose. I also get to do real scientist stuff like watch Dr. Stabb dissect Yuengling and remove her light organ and I make media with acid and bases and all. Makes me feel like if i had passed chemistry with a few more flying colors i might have made it in pharmacy after all. alas, i got a real job anyway.

old navy is just about the same as it was last summer except sean is a little crankier sometimes. that ok though, cause i think maybe i am too. we have perhaps the most irritating soundtrack there EVER. EVER. congrats universe. you win.

i move to my SWEET apt in july. sorry to be so excited about it, but it really is sweet. and i spent today deciding where i want to travel in the fall. i'm hoping to end up on the project in virginia or perhaps a new on in New Jersey. regardless, i think i want to be on the road at first. flying is kind of intimidating, and i want to get used to it, esp with mike in new york.

additionally, this week the most precious puppy stayed with me. his name is lyle and he belongs to ashley's roommate katie. he was perfect and very small and made me miss kitti very much. in case i didnt already mention this to my faithful blog readers, i lost kitti to kittiHIV. it was pretty awful and i dont think that i will be ready for another pet for awhile, but when i am, i may steal baby lyle :)

alright, enough, no one reads this mess anyway

fer funziez

happy last week of school! the squid arent being all that interesting lately, so there is very little to note. does anyone need a turtle?

also, tripziez! hoorah

blah

Yuengling died this week. so did half of the shrimp. the squid room smells like when you're 8 and you leave the "pretty shells" that you found on the beach in a baggie in the hot car on the 10 hr drive back from the beach. then you find the bag 2 weeks later and open it. uck.

also, I'm 99% finished with the magnum opus of my college career [senior thesis]. it's pretty awful, and I'm waaaaay tired of reading it.

ready to graduate? kinda

sneezes

dear spring,

i do not like pollen.

love, keri



dear 95.5 the beat,

why do you bother playing that weezy song? only like 3 of the words in it are actually legal to be said on air. a song full of bleeps and irrelevant noises is not entertaining. just play the beats if you like it so much.

love, keri


ps. johnny d. kind of sux on the tables